Terrible Things
by sqquidkid
Summary: Santana's point of view. When bad things happen. Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or the characters.


**Warning: Character Deaths.**

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><p><em>Tick tock. <em>The noise echoed off the walls before they reached my ears._ Tick tock. _It wasn't working. It was taking too long._ Tick tock. _I could feel my cold tears trickling down my face._ Tick tock. _I could feel it. I could feel it targeting each and every single one, slowly putting me down._ Tick tock. _My eyes fell heavy with sleep._ Tick tock. _I could see her face behind my lids. I could see her face reflecting trauma._ Tick tock _I watched as she disappeared from my arms._ Tick tock _I clenched my hands into fists at my sides._ Tick tock _It was taking too long.

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><p><strong> A month ago.<strong>

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><p>"Brittany!" My mouth formed a smile on my face.<p>

"Santana!" Her body was flush with mine. I could feel her heartbeat against my own, I could feel the warmth of her body radiating into my skin.

"I missed you so much." I tucked my head into the crook of her neck, inhaling her perfume. "How was the dance tour?" She hugged me tighter.

"It was good. It was good San! I missed you!" I could feel her tears falling on my back. "I can't believe I got through a whole 2 months without you!"

"Yeah... Let's never do that again." She chuckled; I pulled back from our embrace desperate to catch a look at her. Her blue eyes were glistening with tears, and she had a big smile plastered on her face. I pulled her back into a hug, I missed her. "I'm so glad you're back." It came out as a whisper more than anything. I felt her arms hold me tighter.

"San, I think we should go home, everyone's staring at us..." She whispered back. I giggled.

"Come on then!" I took her hand and placed it into mine.

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><p><strong> 5 weeks later.<strong>

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><p>I could feel her hands stroking my cheeks. I could feel something tugging at my heart; I could sense something was going to happen. I was boiling under her touch; I was boiling under the duvet, but I didn't want to move. I didn't want to lose her contact. It was any day now, it was close. I could feel it. It doesn't matter if they said she still had months, 4 at the most. I could sense it. It was coming, and I wasn't ready. I wouldn't ever be ready. It took all my courage not to cry, not at that moment. I didn't want to spoil our last hours. I couldn't sleep, and I know that she knew it was close. She was so brave.<p>

"Britt... you know I love you so much right?" I gulped. "I love you more than anything and anyone ever." I looked at her, she looked even paler engulfed in the dark. I looked into her eyes; I couldn't see anything but utter peace.

"Of course I do Sanny! And you know that I love you more than anything and anyone ever right?" Her voice sounded cheery. I could tell she was trying to be brave, for me. She knew I was so close to breaking. I forced a laugh.

"Yes." I wrapped my arms around her, feeling the warmth of her skin against mine. "You're so brave."

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><p><strong> The next morning.<strong>

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><p>I didn't sleep that night. I watched Brittany as she fell asleep. I watched as she fell into deeper sleep. I watched as she took her last breath. I watched her, that's all I did. I didn't try and stop it, I was too busy crying, or stifling my cries. I was an idiot, maybe if I had done something, anything; maybe she would be smiling at me right now. Maybe she would be kissing me. Maybe she would be breathing. I held her in my arms as she passed, I held her there, savouring anything I had left. But she's gone now, there's no point in staying strong. There's absolutely nothing to stay strong for. So I screamed, and I let my tears fall down my cheeks. I screamed her name in the air. I wailed. I was angry. She was gone, she was really gone. My mind wandered back to the first few weeks that Brittany showed weakness.<p>

_She looked frail under the sun, her skin was pale, and she looked tired._

"_Are you alright, Brittany?" Something was wrong. I could sense it. _

"_Yeah." Lie._

"_What's the matter?" I kept my eyes on her, trying to pick out more differences._

"_Nothing, I just have a headache that's all." She looked away; she wouldn't catch my eye contact. She turned her attention to the ducks in front of us. And then I saw the way her eyes glistened. She was nearly crying. _

_I scooted closer to her, I placed my hand on her shoulder and I felt the way her skin burnt my skin. I wrapped her in my arms, trying to understand. Trying to unravel what she was hiding. Something was wrong, something was very wrong. Brittany never kept anything from me._

"_Something's wrong." I was confused. "What's wrong?" I let her go, and scooted forward to try and face her. She was still avoiding my eye contact. She looked down at her lap. "Look at me, B..."_

_She tucked her head into the crook of my neck, and she started crying. She was boiling. I held her still, waiting until she calmed down._

"_I'm ill San." She was trembling in my arms, I didn't understand._

"_That's okay B baby, we can go to the hospital, and I'll even take you right now." She pulled away, to look at me._

"_No. I've already been." She took a deep breath and she said something, but I couldn't hear it. I couldn't hear anything, my heart beat rose. I knew what she said anyway, because well I don't know. But I knew, I always knew. _

"_NO!" It slipped. "NO, NO, NO." I took her hands into mine. _

I stopped. I stopped, it hurt too much. It hurt to think about her. My tears wouldn't go away. I heard the door slam open. I looked up to see who it was but I couldn't see anything. The tears around my eyes were clouding my vision.

"Santana..." My mother. It was my mother's voice. I didn't respond. Even if I had wanted to respond, I couldn't.

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><p><strong> Present Day.<strong>

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><p>My hands were shaking. I reached in the drawer, fumbling around for the bottle. I clenched it around my shaking fingers. I stumbled into the bathroom, wishing that the pain would go away.<p>

My legs gave away: I fell on the ground. I could feel her presence. I knew she was there, I wasn't mad. She was watching me. I could almost hear her voice pleading me not to. I could almost see her in front of me. She was so close, but still too far.

My hands clenched around the bottle in my hands, like my body was reminding me that it was there. It was there and the pain would stop soon. I opened the bottle and reached in. My hands were shaking furiously and I dropped the bottle on the ground. The pills were on the floor, I didn't have time to think about it. It hurt too much. I grabbed as much as I could and stuffed them into my mouth. I forced it down my throat, pass the lump that formed and into my stomach. I led on the floor, waiting.

_Tick tock. _The noise echoed off the walls before they reached my ears._ Tick tock. _It wasn't working. It was taking too long._ Tick tock. _I could feel my cold tears trickling down my face._ Tick tock. _I could feel it. I could feel it targeting each and every single one, slowly putting me down._ Tick tock. _My eyes fell heavy with sleep._ Tick tock. _I could see her face behind my lids. I could see her face reflecting trauma._ Tick tock _I watched as she disappeared from my arms._ Tick tock _I clenched my hands into fists at my sides._ Tick tock _It was taking too long. _Tick tock. _I let my eyes close._ Tick tock. _I let my hands fall at my sides. _Tick tock. _I let my feet fall. _Tick tock. _I stopped fighting. _Tick tock. _I stopped when she went. _Tick tock. _I heard the door open. _Tick tock. _I let my mouth smile a little. _Tick Tock. _I was close. _Tick tock. _I heard a scream. _Tick tock. _I felt warm hands engulf me. _Tick tock. _Time was running out. _Tick tock. _My mouth fell open. _Tick tock._ "I'm sorry." And I let it slip. _Tick tock. _It was time. _Tick tock. _I had no time left. _Tick tock._


End file.
